Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"I'm feeling emotional--- give me a pizza"

It doesn't matter where I live or how in control I feel ths always happens.

I remember when I first started down this healthiness journey, I was living in Illinois just a hop, skip, and a jump away from a Schnucks. It was my utter demise. Whenever I was feeling stressed or depressed, I'd get in my car and drive across the main strip to go get a frozen Scnucks cheese pizza. They became my go to food. I wouldn't eat half of it, or just a few slices, but the whole thing-- almost to a point where I felt so full I couldnt move. Deep down I knew it didnt solve the issue at hand, but for some reason it comforted me. At least I felt something else, other than stress or being sad. The need for the pizza comfort soon faded...

...until recently. Maybe it's B being gone and it wearing on me, or me just being away from my friends and family and feeling alone, but it is back full force. When I first moved here to Virginia I had found my comfort pizza brand. I ate them leisurely and it wasn't a big deal. I was down to a weight I was happy with and I was more sensible. And now I find myself wanting them almost NEEDING them and the need to eat the whole thing and feel that feeling of uncomfortableness.

The emotional side to weight and why we eat is so much harder than trying to lose the weight. I'm struggling to get these last 15 lbs off. And I'm getting so frustrated that no matter how much time in the gym I put in and how much I eat the number isn't budging! I've tried eating more, I've tried eating less...I'm just frustrated. I miss feeling happy when eating food and eating healthy food just doesn't do it for me. I need that piece of chocolate or that sweet little something in order to get by.

I know, I know everything in moderation, but I'm not doing to well at that part. I can't have it in the house or I eat it until its gone. I can guess it's mosly emotional stuff, and the fact I feel that I have no close friends that I can really relate to anymore I'm just struggling with everything.

I had another post topic ready that I was going to write, but I'm really strggling with this this evening. I actually ate the pizza as wrote this blog. I'm happy to say that I did eat half of it, and then through the other half in the trash. I suppose that's a step in the right direciton.

Any suggestions/tips on how you deal with emotional eating? I'm all ears!

Later Gators

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm alive--- sort of.

Well, one blog entry a month is a decent average...right? haha

I thought this would be a good way to keep me accountable, but turns out keeping accountable hasn't really been a problem! It's more the finding time to put in the effort of a blog. It's much harder than it looks, so I most definitey have a newfound respect to the blogs I read religiously and get bummed when I don't see a new entry everyday.

So what's new?

Not much of anything. B is still gone, and will be for another 4 months and most of my time has been spent at work or the gym. I've gotten into a pretty good routine and now waking up early isn't an issue, and neither is going to the gym in the morning. It's nice to know I don't have to rely on classes in order to get my exercise in.

I have to give some credit to my personal trainer I've been seeing 2 to 3 times a week. I bought 12 sessions, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to using them all and I'm definitely going to invest in more. I hate spending that much money on someone to make up workouts and watch me do them, but with him being there I tend to put forth more effort because I am being watched and I don't want to fail. I also have been using a lot his workouts we do, on days that I don't have sessions in order to get in a nice mixture of cardio and strength training.

I know I mentioned in my last entry (a month ago--haha yea I know, it was AWHILE ago) that I was just having my first session and I was going back to get weighed and get my measurements done. Well at that time I was down 3.5 lbs, which is about a 4 lbs difference then the scale I have at home, and down an inch on my waist, and everything else was about the same. However, I was down 4% body fat from the last night I was there! I'm due for new measurements soon and I hope that when I buy a new package of sessions we can do it again and hope to see even more of a difference.

My scale battery died, so I hate not having a scale at the house, which i probably a good thing. I've been weighing myself at the gym though, on the heavy scale that said I had only lost 3.5, way back when. It said today that I was down to 168.5 which would mean I've lost about 6.5 lbs since my last measure. So not exactly a HUGE difference, but the plus is I can finally fit back into my skinny jeans I used to be wear about a year and half ago. So regardless of what that scale has to say there is clearly a difference if this butt can fit back into those! :)

So with that being said, my eating has been pretty good, a couple slip ups and here and there and I usually make up for it at the gym if I get a little crazy. So im quite happy with my progress all around.

Almost two months down in this deployment. wooo. I'm hoping that when he comes back I look like a new woman and I can look amazing for our wedding!

Well, I hope to update soooooon. Not April 3rd. :)


Tuesday, February 8, 2011


So, I know it has been over a month since I've written. I'm horrible. Sue me!

I figured with B gone I would have all this time, but instead it's turned out to be the opposite. Lots has happened since my last post.

B is officially gone. He left the 12th of January, and won't be back for six-ish months. He'll be on a boat floating around the Persian Gulf, just waiting to see if his aircraft carrier is needed! But before he left, we aquired a new little family member! Meet Pooter...our cute, darling, little, sweet 4 month old beagle puppy!

She has been a handful! Between trying to potty train and my hectic work schedule I run around like a chicken with its head cut off. It's nice to stay busy while he's gone, but then again I'd like to have a little time to breathe.

I've had a difficult time juggling the gym and feeling guilty about having Pooter stuck in her kennel so much. But I've grown to realize it just has to happen. I let her out as much as I can, but sometimes-- it just sucks.

My usual day is as follows:

6:00Am: Alarm goes off
6:10Am: Snooze, check phone for emails from B
6:15Am: Crawl out of bed, half asleep let Pooter out to potty, feed, repeat.
7:30Am: Gym
9:00Am: Home and Shower
10:00Am: Work
12:00Pm: Lunch, head home to let Pooter out
1:00Pm: Back to work
6:30Pm: Home
7:00Pm: Feed myself and Pooter
9:00Pm: Tired
10:00Pm: Bed

AND REPEAT. All days but sunday. Blah, such a mundane life with little to know excitment or room for friends.

Sorry for the pessimistic post :( It's one of those days. B is in port and I know he's out running around and instead of emailing or calling me like all other sailors that I know (I heard from their wives) he hasn't done either. I miss him and I'm disappointed. I know this is his first little bout of free time, but it bums me out he just can't spend some of it on me!

Okay, done pouting.

As for the gym and dieting. Since B has left, I've turned into a machine. I'm back down to 170s lbs and the weight has been coming off quite easily. I've been really conscious of what I've been eating (using sparkpeople) and I'm liking the results.

Tomorrow morning is my first "real and paid for" personal training session. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. When I first started at the gym the did weight, girth measurements, and body fat, and we get to reassess it tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing the progress. I was at 178 the last time I was there.

I'm going to try to make this a more often thing! I promise!

I'm tired. Its past my bedtime! haha

Gooooodnight! :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I feel like the worlds biggest slacker.

I have been slacking with blog writing...

I have been slacking with dieting...

I have been slacking with going to the gym...

This list could continue, but I'll just leave it at that for now. It's not that I've been in a rut, I've just really not cared. There is so much going on right now that I can't even think straight. B is leaving for his six month deployment on Thursday, and I'm an emotional wreck. I've been trying to do everything I can to spend every moment I can with him, which explains the slacking with blog writing and going to the gym. He works nights and 12 hour shifts, usually leaves around 315pm and gets home around 5am. And I work from 10am til 6 pm....so you can kind of see the issue. Time is so limited--- and all I want to do is just spend it all with him.

On a much much lighte note, I got a puppy! I figured with him being gone it would be a good thing to have around. Maybe not my best idea. She's a 4 month old beagle, who isn't the sharpest when it comes to potty training. Accidents, accidents everywhere. We're doing well so far today.

I'm looking forward to getting back on track with my eating. It's weird, recently I've been craving fruit. I've been thinking about joining weight watchers again, and with the program changed I feel I want fall into that pattern of, "oh, I know what I'm doing I've been doing it for almost 2 years." That's the kind of thinking that usually gets me into trouble. I don't know--- I might just try the gym and just calorie counting, but I'd like a little more control.

And on a random note, this puppy totally through a wrench in my gym plans too. Now I have to consider feeding and taking her out into the planning a gym workout. Bah.

Sorry I'm a super grumpy pants. I'll take them off soon-- Promise.

Just an update!


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy Belated Holidays and a Happy New Year!

I know it has been forever, but I have an excuse! A really good one at that! I have been traveling around the United States for the last 2 weeks visiting family for the holidays. So before I get into that, Happy Holidays to all my unfortunate readers :) I hope your holidays were prosperous and full of great family and cheer.

So where have I been? Well---If I don't count airports it doesn't seem so vast, but I spent a majority of my time split between Phoenix and Northern Illinois. My husband's daughter from his first (and unsucessful) marriage, lives in AZ and with him deploying soon he wanted to go and see her. Given our quick relationship and its escalating status, I had never met her until now. I've always been known as the girl with not a motherly bone in her body, and just the sight of a child gives me anxiety. Thus, my friends were very interested to see just how all of this unfolded. But I care to think I did very well entertaining and getting to know a smart, chatty (yet bratty) 4 year old.

I had a blast and can't say I didn't leave there with the itch of us having our own. B even commented on how surprisingly motherly I was being. Gold Star for me! I definitely am still a huge fan of the Puppy first, Baby second method. And btw...Arizona is BEAUTIFUL!

From Arizona we went to Illinois. This is were all B's family was from so it was interesting to be involved with holiday traditions that aren't your own families. I had yet to meet his family either, so that added a whole new twist. The 6 days we were there I'm pretty much all we did was eat. B used to be a fat kid as well so eating at all his favorite local places was quite a task. We still didn't get everywhere I'll try to remember everything I ate ---

Harris Pizza
Happy Joes Pizza
A Beef Tongue Sandwich (yea, don't ask about this one. haha)
A Waffle
Amerimexican Food
Country Style ice cream
Beer, beer, and more beer
Christmas Eve dinner (pizza, fried chicken, dips, fudge, cookies, pie)
Christmas Day dinner (turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, Rolls, Sweet Potatoes)

And that's all I can remember. I'd also like to add there was little to no exercise in there! Woo. Talk about putting on the Holiday pound. I'm sad to admit, but I've managed to gain 6 lbs! 6!!

We came back home to a snow storm, which doesn't happen around these parts--- ever. So the place went into a standown. I finally made it to the gym today. I missed my Personal Training appointment on Monday due to snow and rescheduled my ass kicking for Friday. Today was a light day, because I really didn't want to do it, but knew needed to. That 6 lbs is staring me in the face.

I had a lot of fun on vacation, but I wish I could do things in moderation! What I did and ate was pretty much the opposite of moderation and it showed on the scale. At least I know that I've got to get my butt back in the gym if I want to get back to where I was and closer to my goal!

Oh! And Santa Claus brought me some weightlifting gloves! No more calluses for me! I look forward to trying them out.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Weddings and Weight Lifting Gloves

My husband and I got married in May, at a very impromptu ceremony at the local courthouse without my parents or any of my friends knowledge. With him being in the Navy, I just wasn't comfortable with the love of my life going out to sea without being married, so much to my parents and friends dismay we did it anyway.  We had decided on a "wedding" day and were planning a wedding while most people didn't even know we already were married. The guilt got to me, and I ended up telling close friends and family that we were already married, but still wanted to do a ceremony in front of both our family and friends. Currently, we have a recommitment ceremony planned for October of next year, near our 2 year anniversary.

Yesterday, I headed to the Bridal store to go order THE dress. It was one I tried on and cried when they put on the veil...so I knew it was what I wante.d.  Or so I thought. While at the store, I tried on the original dress I fell in love with. Which looked like this....
Pretty much hell bent on this purchase, the saleswomen asks when my wedding is and then suggest another dress they had just got in. It looked similar to the one I had picked out before, but was in a heavier fabric and a little less "beachy" looking. I gave it a try, thinking there is no way it would blow this other dress out of the water....but I'll be damned--- It did. It was the prettiest dress I've ever seen. Also more 100 dollars more expensive. But it was perfect. I went in to buy my dream dress and left ordering one that was even more perfect. I guess sometimes it's good to step away for awhile and broaden your horizons! I'd love to post a pic, but I'd hate for B to lurk on the blog and see it! Ruin all the excitment :)

But after my stressful and expensive afternoon, I spent the evening at the gym. Surprise, suprise. :) I tried out some new things and finally worked up the nerve to use the row machine. Wow. That thing is a butt kicker! As well as a blister maker! I was on it for about 15 minutes and 2500M and left with blisters! I then went to do some ab exercises and some assisted dips and chinups and before I knew it my hands were raw.

Number 1 on my christmas list this year is some liftig gloves! I have a feeling I have not only blisters in my future, but lots of lovely calluses and we all know and love how awesome calluses feel. Really feminine...haha

Today is a quiet day, B is supposed to be home from his 10 day cruise, but he'll probably have to work tonight so chances of im being home today is slim. I miss him. I just want him home!  We're leaving Thursday for a trip to Phoenix and then heading up to Illinois for the holidays! It shoud be a nice little vacation. We both need it! I'm hoping I can stay on track with my eating so I don't gain back the 7 lbs I've worked so hard to lose!

Hope you have a fantastic weeked!


Friday, December 10, 2010

Doing the right thing.

I made the mistake of knowing I didnt eat enough today. I've been trying these Lean Shakes from GNC as a meal replacement for lunch, and they're actually pretty good and satisfying, but if I don't counter it with a snack about 2 hours later my stomach is not a happy camper!

I came home from work today completely famished, and just couldn't shake the idea of pizza from my head. I drove past two grocerty stores, strugglng to not stop and get a frozen, calorie dense pizza to just inhale. Somehow I made it home pizza free! I got out of the car and up to the doorstep, and naturally hanging on my doorknob was a flyer for pizza. I made it all way to the computer, had three tabs open from three different pizza places trying to figure out what I wanted to eat and what was the cheapest --- I'm not sure what happened, but I then made an stern decision inside my head saying, "No. You don't need it." I closed all the tabs and the computer and went to the kitchen.   GOOD DECISION #1.

(Questionable) GOOD DECISION #2. I've been a workout queen the last few days, and was on the fence all day about going to the gym just because I didn't feel like running or the ellipitcal and there wasn't any classes striking my fancy this evening.  I'm not sure what's going on, but I was at work and my right hip started hurting. Because this is kind of what I do, I have an idea of what might be going on in there. Athletic trainers are always the worst patients because we never practice what we preach. I ultimately knew that if I didn't take a day off, I'll end up making something as simple as simple inflammation into a bigger problem I'll have to continue to deal with. So I'm taking the day off....fully off. And I have to say I'm a bit anxious about it! But I know its the right thing to do, and is ultimately a good deicison. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

So being the exciting married, 25 year old woman I am, I'm going to spend the evening doing laundry and cleaning. I'm hoping B's ship may be pulling in early and I'll see him sooner rather than later. And lord knows I don't want him knowing what the house really looks like when he's away haha :)

I'm liking this Blog Hop train I jumped on. I've found many new blogs that I can read and hopefully gain some support and insight on this weightloss/diet journey!