Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"I'm feeling emotional--- give me a pizza"

It doesn't matter where I live or how in control I feel ths always happens.

I remember when I first started down this healthiness journey, I was living in Illinois just a hop, skip, and a jump away from a Schnucks. It was my utter demise. Whenever I was feeling stressed or depressed, I'd get in my car and drive across the main strip to go get a frozen Scnucks cheese pizza. They became my go to food. I wouldn't eat half of it, or just a few slices, but the whole thing-- almost to a point where I felt so full I couldnt move. Deep down I knew it didnt solve the issue at hand, but for some reason it comforted me. At least I felt something else, other than stress or being sad. The need for the pizza comfort soon faded...

...until recently. Maybe it's B being gone and it wearing on me, or me just being away from my friends and family and feeling alone, but it is back full force. When I first moved here to Virginia I had found my comfort pizza brand. I ate them leisurely and it wasn't a big deal. I was down to a weight I was happy with and I was more sensible. And now I find myself wanting them almost NEEDING them and the need to eat the whole thing and feel that feeling of uncomfortableness.

The emotional side to weight and why we eat is so much harder than trying to lose the weight. I'm struggling to get these last 15 lbs off. And I'm getting so frustrated that no matter how much time in the gym I put in and how much I eat the number isn't budging! I've tried eating more, I've tried eating less...I'm just frustrated. I miss feeling happy when eating food and eating healthy food just doesn't do it for me. I need that piece of chocolate or that sweet little something in order to get by.

I know, I know everything in moderation, but I'm not doing to well at that part. I can't have it in the house or I eat it until its gone. I can guess it's mosly emotional stuff, and the fact I feel that I have no close friends that I can really relate to anymore I'm just struggling with everything.

I had another post topic ready that I was going to write, but I'm really strggling with this this evening. I actually ate the pizza as wrote this blog. I'm happy to say that I did eat half of it, and then through the other half in the trash. I suppose that's a step in the right direciton.

Any suggestions/tips on how you deal with emotional eating? I'm all ears!

Later Gators

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm alive--- sort of.

Well, one blog entry a month is a decent average...right? haha

I thought this would be a good way to keep me accountable, but turns out keeping accountable hasn't really been a problem! It's more the finding time to put in the effort of a blog. It's much harder than it looks, so I most definitey have a newfound respect to the blogs I read religiously and get bummed when I don't see a new entry everyday.

So what's new?

Not much of anything. B is still gone, and will be for another 4 months and most of my time has been spent at work or the gym. I've gotten into a pretty good routine and now waking up early isn't an issue, and neither is going to the gym in the morning. It's nice to know I don't have to rely on classes in order to get my exercise in.

I have to give some credit to my personal trainer I've been seeing 2 to 3 times a week. I bought 12 sessions, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to using them all and I'm definitely going to invest in more. I hate spending that much money on someone to make up workouts and watch me do them, but with him being there I tend to put forth more effort because I am being watched and I don't want to fail. I also have been using a lot his workouts we do, on days that I don't have sessions in order to get in a nice mixture of cardio and strength training.

I know I mentioned in my last entry (a month ago--haha yea I know, it was AWHILE ago) that I was just having my first session and I was going back to get weighed and get my measurements done. Well at that time I was down 3.5 lbs, which is about a 4 lbs difference then the scale I have at home, and down an inch on my waist, and everything else was about the same. However, I was down 4% body fat from the last night I was there! I'm due for new measurements soon and I hope that when I buy a new package of sessions we can do it again and hope to see even more of a difference.

My scale battery died, so I hate not having a scale at the house, which i probably a good thing. I've been weighing myself at the gym though, on the heavy scale that said I had only lost 3.5, way back when. It said today that I was down to 168.5 which would mean I've lost about 6.5 lbs since my last measure. So not exactly a HUGE difference, but the plus is I can finally fit back into my skinny jeans I used to be wear about a year and half ago. So regardless of what that scale has to say there is clearly a difference if this butt can fit back into those! :)

So with that being said, my eating has been pretty good, a couple slip ups and here and there and I usually make up for it at the gym if I get a little crazy. So im quite happy with my progress all around.

Almost two months down in this deployment. wooo. I'm hoping that when he comes back I look like a new woman and I can look amazing for our wedding!

Well, I hope to update soooooon. Not April 3rd. :)