Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"I'm feeling emotional--- give me a pizza"

It doesn't matter where I live or how in control I feel ths always happens.

I remember when I first started down this healthiness journey, I was living in Illinois just a hop, skip, and a jump away from a Schnucks. It was my utter demise. Whenever I was feeling stressed or depressed, I'd get in my car and drive across the main strip to go get a frozen Scnucks cheese pizza. They became my go to food. I wouldn't eat half of it, or just a few slices, but the whole thing-- almost to a point where I felt so full I couldnt move. Deep down I knew it didnt solve the issue at hand, but for some reason it comforted me. At least I felt something else, other than stress or being sad. The need for the pizza comfort soon faded...

...until recently. Maybe it's B being gone and it wearing on me, or me just being away from my friends and family and feeling alone, but it is back full force. When I first moved here to Virginia I had found my comfort pizza brand. I ate them leisurely and it wasn't a big deal. I was down to a weight I was happy with and I was more sensible. And now I find myself wanting them almost NEEDING them and the need to eat the whole thing and feel that feeling of uncomfortableness.

The emotional side to weight and why we eat is so much harder than trying to lose the weight. I'm struggling to get these last 15 lbs off. And I'm getting so frustrated that no matter how much time in the gym I put in and how much I eat the number isn't budging! I've tried eating more, I've tried eating less...I'm just frustrated. I miss feeling happy when eating food and eating healthy food just doesn't do it for me. I need that piece of chocolate or that sweet little something in order to get by.

I know, I know everything in moderation, but I'm not doing to well at that part. I can't have it in the house or I eat it until its gone. I can guess it's mosly emotional stuff, and the fact I feel that I have no close friends that I can really relate to anymore I'm just struggling with everything.

I had another post topic ready that I was going to write, but I'm really strggling with this this evening. I actually ate the pizza as wrote this blog. I'm happy to say that I did eat half of it, and then through the other half in the trash. I suppose that's a step in the right direciton.

Any suggestions/tips on how you deal with emotional eating? I'm all ears!

Later Gators

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm alive--- sort of.

Well, one blog entry a month is a decent average...right? haha

I thought this would be a good way to keep me accountable, but turns out keeping accountable hasn't really been a problem! It's more the finding time to put in the effort of a blog. It's much harder than it looks, so I most definitey have a newfound respect to the blogs I read religiously and get bummed when I don't see a new entry everyday.

So what's new?

Not much of anything. B is still gone, and will be for another 4 months and most of my time has been spent at work or the gym. I've gotten into a pretty good routine and now waking up early isn't an issue, and neither is going to the gym in the morning. It's nice to know I don't have to rely on classes in order to get my exercise in.

I have to give some credit to my personal trainer I've been seeing 2 to 3 times a week. I bought 12 sessions, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting close to using them all and I'm definitely going to invest in more. I hate spending that much money on someone to make up workouts and watch me do them, but with him being there I tend to put forth more effort because I am being watched and I don't want to fail. I also have been using a lot his workouts we do, on days that I don't have sessions in order to get in a nice mixture of cardio and strength training.

I know I mentioned in my last entry (a month ago--haha yea I know, it was AWHILE ago) that I was just having my first session and I was going back to get weighed and get my measurements done. Well at that time I was down 3.5 lbs, which is about a 4 lbs difference then the scale I have at home, and down an inch on my waist, and everything else was about the same. However, I was down 4% body fat from the last night I was there! I'm due for new measurements soon and I hope that when I buy a new package of sessions we can do it again and hope to see even more of a difference.

My scale battery died, so I hate not having a scale at the house, which i probably a good thing. I've been weighing myself at the gym though, on the heavy scale that said I had only lost 3.5, way back when. It said today that I was down to 168.5 which would mean I've lost about 6.5 lbs since my last measure. So not exactly a HUGE difference, but the plus is I can finally fit back into my skinny jeans I used to be wear about a year and half ago. So regardless of what that scale has to say there is clearly a difference if this butt can fit back into those! :)

So with that being said, my eating has been pretty good, a couple slip ups and here and there and I usually make up for it at the gym if I get a little crazy. So im quite happy with my progress all around.

Almost two months down in this deployment. wooo. I'm hoping that when he comes back I look like a new woman and I can look amazing for our wedding!

Well, I hope to update soooooon. Not April 3rd. :)


Tuesday, February 8, 2011


So, I know it has been over a month since I've written. I'm horrible. Sue me!

I figured with B gone I would have all this time, but instead it's turned out to be the opposite. Lots has happened since my last post.

B is officially gone. He left the 12th of January, and won't be back for six-ish months. He'll be on a boat floating around the Persian Gulf, just waiting to see if his aircraft carrier is needed! But before he left, we aquired a new little family member! Meet Pooter...our cute, darling, little, sweet 4 month old beagle puppy!

She has been a handful! Between trying to potty train and my hectic work schedule I run around like a chicken with its head cut off. It's nice to stay busy while he's gone, but then again I'd like to have a little time to breathe.

I've had a difficult time juggling the gym and feeling guilty about having Pooter stuck in her kennel so much. But I've grown to realize it just has to happen. I let her out as much as I can, but sometimes-- it just sucks.

My usual day is as follows:

6:00Am: Alarm goes off
6:10Am: Snooze, check phone for emails from B
6:15Am: Crawl out of bed, half asleep let Pooter out to potty, feed, repeat.
7:30Am: Gym
9:00Am: Home and Shower
10:00Am: Work
12:00Pm: Lunch, head home to let Pooter out
1:00Pm: Back to work
6:30Pm: Home
7:00Pm: Feed myself and Pooter
9:00Pm: Tired
10:00Pm: Bed

AND REPEAT. All days but sunday. Blah, such a mundane life with little to know excitment or room for friends.

Sorry for the pessimistic post :( It's one of those days. B is in port and I know he's out running around and instead of emailing or calling me like all other sailors that I know (I heard from their wives) he hasn't done either. I miss him and I'm disappointed. I know this is his first little bout of free time, but it bums me out he just can't spend some of it on me!

Okay, done pouting.

As for the gym and dieting. Since B has left, I've turned into a machine. I'm back down to 170s lbs and the weight has been coming off quite easily. I've been really conscious of what I've been eating (using sparkpeople) and I'm liking the results.

Tomorrow morning is my first "real and paid for" personal training session. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. When I first started at the gym the did weight, girth measurements, and body fat, and we get to reassess it tomorrow morning. I look forward to seeing the progress. I was at 178 the last time I was there.

I'm going to try to make this a more often thing! I promise!

I'm tired. Its past my bedtime! haha

Gooooodnight! :)

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I feel like the worlds biggest slacker.

I have been slacking with blog writing...

I have been slacking with dieting...

I have been slacking with going to the gym...

This list could continue, but I'll just leave it at that for now. It's not that I've been in a rut, I've just really not cared. There is so much going on right now that I can't even think straight. B is leaving for his six month deployment on Thursday, and I'm an emotional wreck. I've been trying to do everything I can to spend every moment I can with him, which explains the slacking with blog writing and going to the gym. He works nights and 12 hour shifts, usually leaves around 315pm and gets home around 5am. And I work from 10am til 6 pm....so you can kind of see the issue. Time is so limited--- and all I want to do is just spend it all with him.

On a much much lighte note, I got a puppy! I figured with him being gone it would be a good thing to have around. Maybe not my best idea. She's a 4 month old beagle, who isn't the sharpest when it comes to potty training. Accidents, accidents everywhere. We're doing well so far today.

I'm looking forward to getting back on track with my eating. It's weird, recently I've been craving fruit. I've been thinking about joining weight watchers again, and with the program changed I feel I want fall into that pattern of, "oh, I know what I'm doing I've been doing it for almost 2 years." That's the kind of thinking that usually gets me into trouble. I don't know--- I might just try the gym and just calorie counting, but I'd like a little more control.

And on a random note, this puppy totally through a wrench in my gym plans too. Now I have to consider feeding and taking her out into the planning a gym workout. Bah.

Sorry I'm a super grumpy pants. I'll take them off soon-- Promise.

Just an update!